by Ender’s Girl
“Nothing really matters / I don’t really care
What nobody tells me / I’m gonna be here
It’s a matter of extreme importance
My first teenage love affair…”
Alicia Keys, “Teenage Love Affair”
Ah, Spring! Never experienced it, lol. (Here in the tropics, we have only two seasons: El Niño and La Niña, hahaha) …And [noona alert!!! run away run away!!!] ah, Miura Haruma! — the ultimate poster boy for Spring: bright-eyed, fresh-faced and with a smile so sweetly accessible, a young man on the cusp of bloom standing tall and pure amid the orgiastic freakscape of dancing plassstic Johnny-botsss
It would only be fitting for an actor of Miura’s looks and appeal to move past the mandatory silliness of his earlier work and anchor his promising career on heartthrob roles of the young-adult persuasion. After all, the boy turned 21 this year, so forget the shounen-manga adventurism of the Bloody Mondays or the high school hijinks of Gokusen 3 and Samurai High School; because the real rite of passage, the definitive landmark of any aspiring leading man’s career, is the Romantic Drama Screen Test (RDST): 1) Can you convincingly play someone who’s young and in love? 2) Can you make female audiences fall in love with your character, and with you? and 3) Can you do it again and again until you make the transition to Hot Single Dad/Elder Statesman roles? (I hope you’re taking notes, KimuTaku. ha,ha,ha)
We all know how a 24-year-old Kimura aced his RDST in Long Vacation back in ‘96 (and no, Asunaro Hakusho doesn’t count, hahaha. eeewww geeks hahaha); ditto Tsumabuki Satoshi in the contemporary classic, Orange Days in 2004 (although fans may argue that Lunch Queen in 2002 was the real turning point). To follow this matinee-idol trajectory would be a wise career move as any for someone of Miura’s type. I mean, if weird little Kame, who skews more towards “horny hobgoblin” than “hetero heartthrob,” pulled it off beautifully in Tatta Hitotsu no Koi, then it ought to be a cinch for wholesome, normal-looking Haruma-kun, right?
Prior to 2011, Miura the TV Actor seemed happier spending his teen years out-hacking cyber-terrorists or goofing off with his deadbeat high school homies (*loves on Shirota Yu*) than really getting serious about romahhhnce (unless you count his turn as Shida Mirai’s 15-year-old babydaddy in 14 Sai no Haha, hahaha). (And I’ll ignore – for now – his eyebrow-raising performance as an affianced high school instructor who tangles with a student in that Winter 2011 ren’ai with a riddikulooosly long name. Hold your thoughts on the matter; all I’m going to say is that soon, very soon, Miura and I are going to have a very, very long chat. Behind closed doors. Come to noona! Lulz)
Whereas Miura the Movie Actor already has a number of romantic films under his belt, the most popular being Koizora (Sky of Love), the 2007 celluloid version of the cell phone novel turned pop-culture phenom, and 2010’s Kimi ni Todoke (From Me to You), based on the hit shoujo manga and anime of the same name. In both movies, Miura romances the female protag (played by Aragaki Yui and Tabe Mikako, respectively), first as a bleached-haired badass biker boy in Koizora, then as a high school Prince Charming in Kimi ni Todoke.
Although Koizora and Kimi ni Todoke are hugely different movies in terms of material and themes explored, the one thing they do have in common is the pretty. Pretty, pretty actors against pretty, pretty backdrops. So pretty!!! And I daresay you’ll find both movies quite entertaining, albeit for very, very different reasons. *remembers Koizora with fondness* Read on!
Koizora: Because Life’s a Bitch and Then You Die… of Laughter
The Cast:
Miura Haruma, Aragaki Yui, Nakamura Aoi
Directed by Imai Natsuki / TBS Pictures, 2007
In a Nutshell:
Shy high school girl falls for resident bad boy. Then sh*t happens. (And how!!!)
(SpoilLert: Just like the movie, expect everything but the kitchen sink in this review. Come to think of it, might as well throw in that damn sink. *ker-SPLAT!!!*)
A word to the unsuspecting: do NOT let this movie fool you!!! The title and promotional posters would want you to expect a regular teen coming-of-age romance – replete with clear blue skies and pretty rainbows and carefree bike rides and picnics and snowmen and la-la-la-la and maybe a little weepy on the side – but don’t be fooled!!! This is a sick and irredeemably warped movie!!! Run away!!! Run away!!!
But if you’re the type of feller who doesn’t mind a little self-inflicted torment here and there, then – to quote Seth Rogen from The Green Hornet – will you take my hand, and come with me on this adventure? Hahahahahha
First thing we do is punch a hole right through Koizora’s highly fraudulent advertising. Koizora, your average teen love story, is it??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Deconstruct this movie and what you’ll get is a really retarded version of Spring Awakening crossed with The Jerry Springer Show, coming rigged with every bluddy makjang trope from every bluddy makjang ever made since the first makjangs sprouted along the banks of the Han River in 1582 BC. (For non-Kdrama viewers, makjang dramas <=> U.S./Mexican/etc. daytime soaps.) Koizora is a 2-hour FML festival (yes, as in, “F*** My Life”) about an ingenuous (ingenuous <=> retarded) high school girl named Mika who goes through what may best be described as… not a bad-hair day, or even a bad-hair week or month, but a bad-hair life. Murphy’s Law is a person, and her name is Mika!
But wait, you ask. Really, what’s the worst that can happen to her, she’s just in high school for goodness’ sake. So she goes through a little adolescent angst, gets her heart broken for the first time, experiences the requisite coming-of-age pangs of Puppy Love? No biggie, right? WRONG. Oh it’s Puppy Love all right – Puppy Love at its rabid, homicidal worst. Our naïve little heroine finds love, all right – plus a whole sh*tload of complications, some even of the criminal variety (tsk tsk). This ain’t a nice teen romance, but a day visit to the JUVIE PSYCH WARD. Falling in love has never been so monumentally f***ed-up as it’s shown to be in Koizora, that by the movie’s end you’ll have sworn off love, libraries, and Miura Haruma for the rest of your life (…okay maybe not… Miura Haruma lol. come to noona!!! hahaha).
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